The Garden

Website: Nope - The Garden is not enough of a draw to merit its own website (unless you count this one).

Weather: Blessedly glorious. April, May and June were ablaze with sunshine, to the point where the owners contemplated turning the garden into a beach. Then July arrived, apparently with all the rain saved up from the last 3 months, as a reminder that this would be a foolhardy endeavour.

Logistics: For me a very simple commute - I can even go there in my pyjamas with an ever diminishing sense of shame as lockdown continues. It should be noted that The Garden was out of bounds to everyone except residents of The House until very recently - but it has been good to be able to share a cuppa on the patio with loved ones in the last month or so. The Garden is cautiously expecting to receive more visitors as the situation hopefully improves.

It is worth noting that The Garden does have some hazards that unfamiliar users need to be aware of - many broken paving slabs and steps of uneven depths can create brief intense moments of excitement when traversing the terrain as well as permanent scarring to the feet and ankles. The owners of The Garden were looking to remedy these issues but have not managed to do so due to Covid-19 restrictions. They apologise for any injury caused.

Activities:

Unsurprisingly for the adults it’s been mainly gardening, or hanging out washing, if feeling particularly frisky. There have been some limited opportunities for sitting in the sunshine reading a lovely book but these have been frequently interrupted by needing to tend to the needs of other residents - breaking up squabbles, applying ice packs to bumped heads and cooking every single sodding meal eaten in the last 3 months.

People using The Garden have felt very lucky to also have to woods, the common and the canal to explore. There have been opportunities to go for walks (for an hour a day as mandated by the government) which have definitely helped to break up the monotony of lockdown. There have been the occasional thrilling deer spottings, watching egrets and herons catching the fish in the canal and being able to observe the wildflowers and brambles as they move through their life cycles, all of which have been a delight.

Egret!

Breathe deep

There have been some seasonal attempts at entertainment for the younger inmates - a paddling pool, stone paining, swing ball, garden chalks for decorating the wall and a basket ball hoop. There is also a shed with bikes in it - though the users here would advise some practice on cycling on the road, turning corners and going off road if you want to avoid children just cycling round and round the green at the front of the house like recalcitrant goldfish. The owners of this resort have observed that the youth generally engage in these activities for a maximum of ten minutes before slinking off to a darkened hovel to stare slack-jawed at screens once more.

Birds have found this destination to be bang on trend during lockdown. The close proximity of this destination to the woods has encouraged a wide range of birds to gather on the frequently restocked bird feeders - woodpeckers, nuthatches, jays, wrens, robins and all manner of tits have been enjoying the fine dining experience afforded by this luxury destination. Some have even chosen to rear their children nearby - a family of dunnocks even moved in to The Garden at one point.

Slugs and snails have also found plenty to love at this destination - all the dahlias and sunflowers they can eat. Not to mention, the heroic holiday effort it took to topple a 4 foot pea stalk. This trip does come with a warning to all gastropods though; sometimes the trip may involve an exciting airborne transport to the bird table rapidly leading to a final exciting journey down a magpie’s gullet.

Plant munching loser

Coffee: Luckily one of the owners takes coffee very seriously so there is an ample supply of fresh ground coffee throughout the day. However, the owners did find their nerves beginning to jangle after the 4th cup of the day on the Monday of week 3 of lockdown, so they now offer a downgrade to posh instant coffee or tea if preferred. There have been some issues with the supply of milk recently but the owners are hoping that the new chore schedule recently put in place may remedy this.

Food: Initially there were some very impressive meals being produced in The Garden - glorious technicolour salads, smashed avocado on a variety of artisanal breads (homemade, of course), wooden boards of antipasti, to name but a few. However, there seems to have been a shift in mood in the kitchen which is now slinging out ham wraps with a few roughly cut slices of tomato, if you’re lucky. The chef acknowledges that standards have slipped but points out that after 3 months the combination of low level whinging escalating to aggressive refusal can get a bit wearing.

Accessibility: The Garden is appallingly inaccessible - due to being on a hill there are a variety of raised levels and unexpected steps everywhere. The owners need to have a long hard think about this.

Overall: We hadn’t planned on a 4 month extended stay in The Garden but on balance we have been bloody grateful to have access to it. There have definitely been positives mixed in with the anxiety and confusion everyone has been feeling since lockdown began. The Garden has never looked better as the owners have had far more time to tend it and experiment with growing new plants than ever before and they are definitely becoming more adventurous - with mixed results - but learning has been part of the joy The Garden has brought. There has been time to contemplate life at a slower pace, to observe and enjoy the natural world around us (apart from slugs and snails - plant eating bastards) and The Garden has allowed us the space to take a breath, muster our strength and keep going. We are lucky to have it.