Day 8
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List 10 of your fave classics. Fairy tales, myths, legends, whatever. A bit o' Cinderella, a Bible story here and there, something to do with King Arthur. It's all good. You have 15 minutes.
And in the time you've got left, start going through each one and fitting it into the four point plan we mentioned above. Here it is again for reference.
The hero's life changes and they have a problem to solve
They go on an adventure to try to solve the problem
The meet someone or learn something that helps them solve the problem
They live happily - or unhappily - ever after
Red Riding Hood
- needs to visit her sick granny
- strays from the path
- meets the wolf
- recognises the wolf and saves herself and her granny
(she gives a smile, her eyelid flickers, she pulls a pistol from her knickers)
Semele & Zeus
- Semele sleeps with Zeus & is proud of it
- Hera visits Semele and plants doubt in her mind about Zeus’s true nature
- Semele confronts Zeus
- Semele is left extra crispy and her son has to gestate in a thigh
King Lear
- Lear divides his kingdom and disowns his most beloved daughter
- Lear is treated badly by Regan & Goneril and leaves to wander the moors
- Lear meets Edgar who shelters him and leads him towards sanctuary
- Sanctuary is broken and the war is lost and everyone dies, except Edgar who may or may not pick up the crown
Lancelot & Guinevere
- Guinevere is happily married to Arthur until Lancelot arrives
- Lancelot carries out many brave deeds that take him far from her but is always motivated by the wish to impress her
- Some dickbag locks her in a castle & threatens to rape her and when Lancelot rescues her they give in to temptation
- Some years later everyone finds out and everyone dies (looking like Bon Jovi circa ’86 in the film Excalibur)
Penelope & Odysseus
- Penelope spends a decade in #metoo hell focussing on mindfulness through endless embroidery.
- Some weird old dude arrives and challenges all the suitors to a pissing contest. Penelope knows its Odysseus but doesn’t let him back that easily
- Penelope tests Odysseus by asking him to move her bed which he knows can’t be done as its carved from a living tree
- Odysseus acknowledges her superiority and they get it on
Echo & Narcissus
- Narcissus catches sight of himself in the pond and is dumbstruck by his own beauty
- Echo catches sight of Narcissus and is struck repetitive by his beauty
- Echo tries to get Narcissus to notice her but he is too in love with himself
- Narcissus wastes away into a flower & all that is left of Echo is her voice
Nero & Agrippina
- Agrippina poisons her way to the top and rules as regent for her spoiled son
- Nero comes of age and realises he doesn’t want to share power with his mum
- Nero hires some engineer types to try and rig a few booby traps to kill her. They don’t work so he hires some burly thugs instead.
- Burly thugs find Agrippina but she goes down swinging ‘Strike me in my belly, where I bore him.”
Bluebeard
- Girl marries man who tells her she can go anywhere in the castle and open any door except the one opened by the key with a red stain.
- He goes away and girl immediately opens door with key with red stain. It’s lucky she did because the room is full of murdered women. It’s unlucky that the key is a grass and stains her hands red so he will know
- The girl flees Bluebeard and shouts for help from the roof of her castle. She sees dust rising as someone rides to her rescue
- It’s her mother who slays the beast & frees her daughter
Beauty & The Beast
- Daughter asks for a single rose which is a perfect humblebrag for Insta
- Ineffectual father meets the beast & makes a shitty deal to save his own skin. Daughter is imprisoned in the beast’s castle.
- Talkative crockery spills the beans about the beast’s curse
- Being treated shiftily by the adults in their lives helps this young couple bond and they live happily ever after with a surfeit of roses and very few family lunches.