Things that don't go bump, bang or ho ho ho

In this most fucked cluster of a year, one thing (of many) I have found challenging is making peace with the fact we can’t do what we want when we want. We have had two cancelled theatre trips, missed  birthdays and weddings and a funeral. One of the benefits of having children is I have learned to exercise some restraint around this. I generally go for acting a bit pissy for a couple of hours rather than indulging in a full on, toys-flung-from-the-pram tantrum. It’s a constant delight living with me in lockdown. 

Today Small Kid and I were meant to be at the theatre watching Six. I know it’s wildly inappropriate for an 8 year old but she loves the songs and the sexual references make a whistling sound as they shoot over her head so we were good to go. Until we weren’t. We had already rebooked once and I am now very unlikely to be booking any live indoor events until the future is looking a lot more certain. I will definitely continue to attend events on line - I have been to things I wouldn’t have dreamt of attending in the before times; poetry readings, experimental theatre, book launches. They have all been considerable more fun than i was expecting as well. The online world has made these things so much more accessible - especially when you don’t have to factor in the cost of transport and babysitting to do it. 

However, the kids are less enamoured with events that take place mainly in their bedrooms. Big Kid feels quite strongly that if he has to participate in anything online it should be Fortnite and maybe Minecraft at a push. He has not really taken to any of the online content provided by scouts, drama club and he is yet to show any interest in extra-curriculars at his new school. I do begrudgingly sympathise with him - why take part in a second-rate version of a thing that existed in a better form beforehand, when there are activities, such as computer games, that are specifically designed to excel in this space? Therefore we are grabbing opportunities to do as much stuff in the real world whilst we can. He is back to drama and scouts in the socially-distanced flesh in the very near future and we are all giddy about it. 

Small Kid also hasn’t taken to the world of online activities. She doesn’t see the point of much that doesn’t come with a side order of potential death and destruction so it’s not really for her as yet. Luckily the glorious weather of our first lockdown gave her ample opportunities to brain herself on branches and to hurl herself around doing endless cartwheels and to see her school bubble friends for socially-distanced play in various woods and fields, so it hasn’t seemed too great an imposition so far. But now the weather is changing…

I am beginning to wobble about the big events that are coming up. The unavoidable behemoths of our culture. As Winter draws in we have numerous festivals in place to bring joy as the year winds down - Halloween, Bonfire Night and Christmas help to stud the darkening days with a festive glow. We have established traditions in place; the first mulled wine of the season round ours prior to trick-or-treating in our pumpkin festooned village, bumping into friends at the fireworks display (quite literally, it is astonishingly dark in the countryside) and of course at Christmas it is mandatory to share time, booze and very rich food with friends and family. The thought of not being able to do so makes my bottom lip quiver.

Small Kid’s highlight is Halloween - she loves all things dark and macabre. if she were to put together a mood board it would be covered in - well, to be honest, it would be pink glitter, unicorns and princesses because such is the cultural hegemony of what it is to be a girl, even now - but the mood board of her soul would be filled with Edward Gorey illustrations, Neil Gaiman heroines and dead roses. She bloody loves Halloween. Needless to say, we were worried. If 11 years of parenting have taught us anything, it is that it is best to get ahead of these things if we can. So we sat her down and explained that we can’t have people over, we probably can’t go trick or treating but yes, Mummy will still be drinking mulled wine. And she rose above it. In under 10 minutes she had planned out a new Halloween celebration just for us - s’mores and ghost stories around the fire pit with snuggly blankets and massive umbrellas if necessary. We are all very up for this. 

Small Kid hates bonfire night - crowds and loud bangs are not for her. Big Kid is probably on the cusp of doing it all with his friends and without us so we will enjoy this enforced gift of shared time with him this year, I think. We can probably make do with a Horrible Histories marathon and call it a night.

Big Kid is mainly concerned about making sure the family are together at Christmas. It is inconceivable to him that we might not be. Small Kid’s wheels are already turning on how to sort this out. She is looking into presents that come in a box big enough fit her aunt in so she can be smuggled into our bubble should the rule of six still apply. One thing the pandemic has taught me is that there is no situation that our youngest cannot turn to her advantage.